THOUGHT MY "OLDER" FRIENDS WOULD LIKE
THESE---
The older you
get....
ONE
Recently,
when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9
or 12 Chicken McNuggets
.
I asked
for a half dozen
nuggets.
'We don't
have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the
counter.
'You
don't?' I
replied.
'We only
have six, nine, or twelve,' was the
reply.
'So I
can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order
six?'
'That's
right.'
So I
shook my head and ordered six
McNuggets
(Unbelievable but sadly
true...)
TWO
I was
checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me
put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers'
that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they
wouldn't get
mixed.
After the
girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all
over for the bar code so she could scan
it.
Not
finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this
is?'
I said to
her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that
today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the
things and
left.
She had no clue to what had just
happened.
THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit
card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very
quickly..
When I inquired as to what she was doing,
she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card
number, so she was using the ATM
'thingy.'
(keep
shuddering!!)
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady
weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I
asked.
She replied, 'I knew I should have
replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car.
Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery
to fit
this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm,
too?' I
asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she
answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually
unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about
the batteries. It's a long
walk....'
PLEASE just lay down before you
hurt yourself
!!!
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who
was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said,
'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I
do?'
'Just use paper from the photocopier', the
secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of
paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank
copies.
Brunette, by the
way!!
SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the
dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten
ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be
fine. Then the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant
killer......'
Dispatcher : 'Rush him in to
emergency!'
Life
is tough. It's even tougher if you're
stupid!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Someone had
to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't laugh.....it is all
true...
Perks of
reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards
70!
01. Kidnappers are not
very interested in
you.
02. In a hostage
situation you are likely to be released
first.
03. No one expects you
to
run--anywhere.
04. People call at 9 PM
and ask, "did I wake
you?"
05. People no longer
view you as a
hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing
left to learn the hard
way.
07. Things you buy now
won't wear
out.
08. You can eat supper
at 4
PM.
09. You can live
without sex but not your
glasses.
10. You get into heated
arguments about pension
plans.
11. You no longer think
of speed limits as a
challenge.
12. You quit trying to
hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the
room.
13. You sing along with
elevator
music.
14. Your eyes won't get
much
worse.
15. Your investment in
health insurance is finally beginning to pay
off.
16. Your joints are
more accurate meteorologists than the national weather
service.
17. Your secrets are
safe with your friends because they can't remember them
either.
18. Your supply of
brain cells is finally down to manageable
size.
19. You can't remember
who sent you this
list.
20. And you notice
these are all in Big Print for your
convenience..
Forward this to
every one you can remember right
now!
And
don't
forget..
Never,
under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same
night.
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